The Jayotype. - Mr. Jay: The gentleman is married? - The gentleman: Certainly, but how the devil did you know that? - Mr. Jay: Oh, its that this instrument is perfect, that no curve of the head, no bump on the forehead can escape it. - The gentleman: How ingenious!

The other day, I pulled off another smart trick... I had set up a firm with a capital of ten million francs to exploit top boots in cardboard ... I had placed only eight shares worth a petty 1200 francs... I called together my eight shareholders and held forth in something like the following manner: "Ah! Good-day ye strolling gentlemen, how handsome you are, how fine you seem!" I promised them more cheese than bread, I gave them a 50% dividend, I warmed them up a bit and let them simmer... The following day they couldn't get hold of my shares fast enough, I placed all of them and at the next meeting I said: "The last time I did the books I made a mistake. I forgot to take into account the price of the cardboard and its fabrication. You must return the dividend I gave you, I'm going to hold it back... I put down nothing and kept back the r

Listen carefully! If you are being asked for arabic Racahout to fatten all kinds of sultanas (women in a harem), for arabian Nafé for suckling children of all ages, for oriental Kaiffa to cure gastritis or corns, for Theobrome against vomiting, for Amandine, Indostane, Osman-Iglou, Paraguay-Roux, Criosote, Chocolat of Salep, Hypocras, white mustard to treat black moods, tooth ache and overweight, or Giant Cabbage seed, you will find it all in this bag, make no mistake!! You can sell it as a powder, ointment, solution or pellets, as you see fit. - Damnit! What kind of pellets are these anyway? - They are fool's pellets of the highest quality. - Splendid, splendid!

Preparing for the baccalaureate. - There are two ways in which you might pass your exams: the first way is to let someone else take your place; the second is to take them yourself. - I would like to take them myself. - Very good!... Do you know Greek? - No. - Latin? - None the more. - Excellent!... Do you know your Math? - Not at all. - What do you know then? - Nothing. - But you've 200 francs? - Of course! - Splendid... You'll be passed next Thursday. - You mean you're going to prepare me in eight days? - What do you think!!!!... It's true that I've taken on the responsibility for your success, but for teaching you... Oh no! Certainly not!!

Robert Macaire, sollicitor. - We've won, my dear fellow, won on every count! - And about time too. A case which has lasted ten years and has ruined me! - Better late than never! - How much did I get back in the end? - Here you are: The court awarded you 12'000 Fr, we totalled 13'500 Fr in expenses, you only owe me 1'500 Fr. - But that means I lose 1'500 Fr . - Yes, but you've won your case.

Embarcation of a Lady. Get in without fear Miss Josephine....You don't have to be afraid from neither the current nor the boatmen... they are all Frrrrrench.... we actually wanted to salute you with 101 canon shots, but we didn't get the authorization from the Government!...