Still Life with Watermelon

You have to excuse me, I am going to dine. ... by the way, have you had your dinner already? - no, not yet. - Well, well, I'll have mine before you then. Goodbye.

"Save yourself; you have killed the son of the King of Cochin-China"

Sue him.....sue him..... That would be a good trick to play on your neighbour... it would eat up all his savings, at least 100 écus.... - Yes but I would also have to eat into my savings and I really have no appetite for that....

Nothing was heard but the clatter of plates and forks

The other day, I pulled off another smart trick... I had set up a firm with a capital of ten million francs to exploit top boots in cardboard ... I had placed only eight shares worth a petty 1200 francs... I called together my eight shareholders and held forth in something like the following manner: "Ah! Good-day ye strolling gentlemen, how handsome you are, how fine you seem!" I promised them more cheese than bread, I gave them a 50% dividend, I warmed them up a bit and let them simmer... The following day they couldn't get hold of my shares fast enough, I placed all of them and at the next meeting I said: "The last time I did the books I made a mistake. I forgot to take into account the price of the cardboard and its fabrication. You must return the dividend I gave you, I'm going to hold it back... I put down nothing and kept back the r

Study for an Illustration

Preparing for the baccalaureate. - There are two ways in which you might pass your exams: the first way is to let someone else take your place; the second is to take them yourself. - I would like to take them myself. - Very good!... Do you know Greek? - No. - Latin? - None the more. - Excellent!... Do you know your Math? - Not at all. - What do you know then? - Nothing. - But you've 200 francs? - Of course! - Splendid... You'll be passed next Thursday. - You mean you're going to prepare me in eight days? - What do you think!!!!... It's true that I've taken on the responsibility for your success, but for teaching you... Oh no! Certainly not!!

A good husband. - A total of 27 Fr. 50 Cts. - Very good. Take the bill to my wife who'll pay you... - (this right beggar Macaire isn't half content to have a wife to pay his debts!)... - Yes, I've an excellent wife who works like a slave, deprives herself of everything, who sacrifices her life for me... a wife who adores me. But I'm not ungrateful. She already has eight children and I'd like her to have twelve... - (Bertrand) There's a happy woman!!!

Robert Macaire, business agent. Yesterday I made a mistake when I said that your business is in good shape. It's detestable. The government owes you five hundred thousand francs, it's true, but the debt hasn't been recognized, there's a forfeiture today, you won't have a penny. However, come to think of it, there's Mr. de St. Bertrand, a rich capitalist, an imbecile, sell him your interests for a hundred crowns, that'll be a splendid deal... (aside) and not expensive.